


"I love you too you git."

by booklover22



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Flashback, John Loves Sherlock, M/M, Mycroft Feels, Post Reichenbach, Reichenbach Falls, Sherlock Loves John, Songfic, mentions of Mrs Hudson, very very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 09:25:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1683335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booklover22/pseuds/booklover22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John hears a song on the radio that strikes a nerve and pulls out painful memories of the day Sherlock fell. </p>
<p>  "John, I love you. I- I wish I seen it before and I'm so so sorry..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I love you too you git."

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a songfic, sort of, the song is The Older I Get by Skillet and I thought I would write this, also first post ever and first Johnlock, or Sherlock story. I will be writing more in the future. Thanks for reading! ^-^ I'm sorry for any mistakes, my computer is busted and I'm doing this on mobile.

John knew he shouldn't still be grieving, it's been two years for Christ's sake, but the song playing on the radio was a surprise and he only just made it into the flat before tears began to leak. Locking the door behind him he walked into his (their) flat that had once housed the world's first and only Consulting Detective. John could never bring himself to move out of 221B, but it haunts him constantly. His hands are not as steady as they once were and though his limp never came back he sometimes had ghost pains when he walked. He still sees Mrs. Hudson as well as Greg Lestrade who is almost always accompanied by Mycroft. Ever since the funeral the two have been inseparable.  
The song runs through his mind as he sits in HIS chair, curled up as best he can while tears streamed down his face. "Today's the anniversary.." he thought hugging his knees before he gets up and goes into his room, which used to be Sherlock's. He hasn't changed anything in it, only thing in the room that wasn't Sherlock's was him. He walked over to the closet and took out Sherlock's favourite coat and walked back to the bed before scooting to the middle where Sherlock always slept. It's a little cold but he uses the coat to cover his small frame, sniffing the faint scent of Sherlock and let out a pained sob. The song perfectly described how he felt as well as his relationship with Sherlock. 'Friendship' he corrected himself, he knew now that Sherlock had never let it go past friendship because he was afraid.  
(The walls between  
You and I always tearing  
Us apart time after time..)  
The walls Sherlock had put up to protect himself, calling himself a Sociopath because not only was he afraid of what people though, he was afraid of his emotions too. Saying that he didn't have friends until he realized that he did.  
(I was sitting here waiting  
In my room for you...  
You were waiting for me too..)  
John had known from the beginning that he was attracted to Sherlock, he always had been, but Sherlock had waited to tell John his feelings until the very end, until John had come. "Why did you do that Sherlock?" He whispered, voice broken,into the empty flat. "Why did you make me watch you jump?"  
(And it makes me wonder  
The older I get will  
I remember this?)  
John would never forget the day that Sherlock Holmes, the most brilliant man in the world had jumped to his death; or the words he had spoken before he did. His "letter". "John, this is my letter but there's something I need to say first... John I am so unbelievably sorry I have to do this but Moriarty threatened you, all of you, all of my friends even Mycroft. He's dead, but his men will kill if they do not see me jump. I wish I had said it before, John I- John I love you so much..." Down on the ground John was looking up shaking his head tears falling. "No, Sherlock no this isn't goodbye." His voice cracked at 'goodbye' but he continued " I love you too you stupid git, please don't do this." Sherlock looked down a sad smile filling his face. "John Watson, I love you with every being of my soul. Tell Mycroft.. Tell Mycroft that it wasn't his fault and that I love him too, and he should be happy with Lestrade. Goodbye John it was a pleasure knowing you." In a blur John was racing to Sherlock, yelling "SHERLOCK NO!" But he was too late. A crowd had gathered around him.  
"Move let me by I'm a doctor, move he's my friend!" He sank to his knees his hands automatically searched for a pulse while his other hand was running through the wet stickiness of Sherlock's hair. Tears falling steadily, fingers still on the pulse point waiting for a miracle. He was kept in the waiting outside as Mycroft arrived. One look at John had said it all, he teetered on his feet umbrella falling to the floor with a dull thud in shock as tears welling in Mycroft's eyes but not being able to fall. He sat down slowly next to John opening his mouth a few times before words came out. "John- tell me you know why?" John looked at Mycroft whose emotions were clear on his face, readable for once and what John seen was terrible guilt, sadness and pain. He pulled Mycroft into a hug despite the awkwardness. "No," he said voice breaking "No Mycroft, it's not your fault. Don't you dare think for one second that this was your fault. Sherlock loved you, he called me right before he jumped. Moriarty had people, snipers trained on all of us, before he died he told Sherlock that everyone that he has ever loved would die if he didn't jump. He did it to save us. He told me to tell you, he said..." John took a breath and started again.  
"He told me to tell you that he loved you, and that it wasn't your fault. And he said that you should be happy with Lestrade." He pulled away because Mycroft had stiffened but tears were finally falling as a mix between a laugh and a sob came out of his mouth. He smiled slightly "I never could get anything past him." This time it was Mycroft who pulled John into a hug, a sob escaping his throat. They were like that until Greg came running in eyes going to Mycroft his eyes widening to see them not only in embrace but tears falling steadily from both sets of eyes. He pushed forward as Mycroft let go of John and let out a heart breaking sob. Greg pulled him into a hug tears welling in his own eyes. "He's- he's gone" a raspy voice said into Greg's coat. "Sherlock is dead."  
John was sobbing openly, the pain in his chest constricting as he tried to breath normally and not get tears on the coat. It felt as if his heart was being sliced open again as the memories the songs lyrics had pulled out. But he couldn't stop the memories now, a floodgate had been opened.

The funeral was held three days later. Private of course only the five people that Sherlock had sacrificed himself for were there. Soon enough only John, Mycroft and Greg were the last ones there. John felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Mycroft. "He loved you John, I hope you know that. He didn't realise it until it was too late but he did. You made him happy John." John nodded trying to find his voice. Finally he opened his mouth, "I know he did. The idiot told me in his "letter", but my love for him wasn't enough I suppose because he still jumped!" John's sobs breaking part his words. He knew he was being selfish but for once he didn't care. He loved Sherlock and he still offed himself. "Why did he do it Mycroft? Why did he make me watch him fall, why did he call me?"  
John was on his knees head in his hands and Mycroft was at a loss for words. Greg stepped up, leaning down next to John and answered. "He called you, because he wanted to hear your voice last. He wanted you to hear his voice one last time and he wanted to tell you himself that he loved you. He knew you wouldn't believe if anyone else told you. He wanted it to be personal. He loved you John, and telling you himself was the best thing he could do. He got to hear you say it back. You know it would have been hard for him too. Harder because it wasn't just you, but all of us." John nodded and stood up. "Can I have a mo?" He asked them, Mycroft nodded "of course. We'll be in the car." He grabbed Greg's hand and pulled him away. Once they were gone, he sat on his knees next to the gravestone. "Sherlock, I know why you did it. But I will never be able to move on. It's not your fault, but you were the one for me. I know that if you were listening to me you would be rolling your eyes, but you would also be smiling. I'm not going to harm myself, I promise, but I'm not going to stop until all of Moriarty's web is dead. I swear." He stood up, wiping tears from his eyes and went back to the car.  
John sat up, going into the bathroom and cleaning up. He got dressed and hailed a cab to the cemetery. Once there he sat next to the gravestone and started talking. "Today was the day. I did it Sherlock. I broke Moriarty's web and its finally over. Your brother has been helping me, and I've even gotten better at deducing, still not as good as you but only Mycroft was at the level with you anyway." He paused and wiped some tears away. His heart aching. "Did you know, Sherlock Holmes, that it is in fact possible to die of a broken heart? I bet you didn't," he chuckled thinking that if Sherlock were here he would be complaining about not knowing things again. "Yeah they've been doing research and found out that intense pain emotional pain could actually break your heart strings. Therefore breaking your heart. I can feel it ya'know. Everyday. Oh you probably don't know, but guess what? Mycroft is getting married! Your brother has made it legal for same-sex marriages, and Greg proposed. The wedding is in April next year, I have the honour of being best man to one Mycroft Holmes." He smiled happy for the couple. He sighed. "Well, I'll be off then. See you soon. I love you Sherlock." John stood up and walked back towards the street unaware that Sherlock was watching him from above and whispered "I love you too, John Watson."

END

**Author's Note:**

> I am also so so sorry, this fic was very sad and made me cry will I was writing it. I'm sorry. No Sherlock is not alive he actually did die. He was in heaven or was just a spirit watching over John.


End file.
